Explicit use of the “B” word

So, big things have happened.  I decided not to continue things with Mr. Beard or Mr. Necktie because, frankly, there wasn’t any real connection with either of them.  When I explained that to them, they agreed that it seemed like we connected more as friends than dating partners.  And so we’ve gone our separate ways.

But positive, wonderful, exciting things have happened with Mr. Dark Hair.  Am I gushing too much? 🙂  It’s just that things are going very well.  I’m going to call him N from now on.  We’ve spent entire weekends together and had a wonderful time.  We’ve had many interesting and deep conversations about our pasts, our feelings, and our possible futures.  It was a little odd at first because he was actually the one bringing all these topics up.  I had a lot of walls up and was feeling very cautious initially.  But he has made me warm up to him and I am falling for him.  He and I get along well and seem to connect on so many levels.  We both decided to hide our profiles on the paid dating website and focus exclusively on each other.  That’s right, exclusively.

So, we’re moving forward.  We’ve admitted to each other how we feel and how we’re nervous about it at the same time.  He told me that a friend of his asked if he was seeing anyone recently and he told them he does have a girlfriend.  So, I guess that means he’s my boyfriend.  It feels odd to say to say the “B” word, but exciting as well.  I feel like I’m moving a little fast with him, I feel like I might be getting carried away and maybe not thinking very rationally.  But that’s part of starting a relationship, isn’t it?  I’ve met a couple of his friends and apparently they approve of me.  We’re also making plans to take a trip this summer together to the east coast.  Although I am still a little nervous about moving forward with him and moving too quickly, I’m going with it.  As one of my friends pointed out, why hold back?  Why not just go for it?  Of course, I have plenty to lose if things go sour, but things feel really good with him.  N put it this way: we have plenty in common to get along well, we have enough differences to keep it interesting, and we’re just crazy enough that it might work.  I like that. 🙂

So far, the only drawback I can find is that he lives over an hour away.  Distance was a bit of a problem for me in the past, but the circumstances were very different then.  This time around N has said that he doesn’t mind traveling to see me at all and so far the traveling has been pretty even between us.  He’s said many sweet things to me and done many sweet things for me.  I know everything is still new and exciting.  I know the possibility for things to become old and complacent is high.  I’ve voiced these concerns to him and he’s admitted he has the same concerns.  But the fact that we’re talking about our fears and hopes about each other is a good thing, I believe.  We both agreed that communication is the most important thing to keeping it going.  We talked about how it seems that couples will get upset with each other over various things, big and small, but they tend not to say anything about it until it’s too late or they’re full blown angry.  By that point, there’s often nothing the other person can do to rectify the situation and resentment can set it between the two people.  N and I agreed that if we just talk to each other and are honest with each other it will hopefully never get to that point.

N is a few years younger than I am, but he’s levelheaded and responsible and grounded.  He has his silly and immature moments, but so do I and it seems that we’re both silly about the same things.  I really like his sense of humor and the fact that he is very motivated and hard working and takes initiative once in awhile.  He is the one who suggested the trip back east and has suggested other future activities for us to do together.  He is patient and accepting of my crazy work schedule.  He is kind and easy going and a good cook (bonus!).  Even though he doesn’t work out as much as I do, he is open to the idea of working out more and he recently bought a nice mountain bike that he said he’d like to use to go on bike rides with me.  Plus, he’s a good looking guy. 🙂

I’m not sure how long this will last or where it’s going or anything really.  I am excited, though.  To quote Mike Myers in So I Married an Axe Murderer, “I am smitten.  I am in deep smit.”  And I like it that way.  So, here’s to the scary, unsure, thrilling, adventurous unknown.  Cheers!


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