Dating / Food

The twice baked first impressions of online dating

Since my last blog entry, I’ve had some interesting developments in the online dating world. To start with, I had a first date with a newer guy that I’ll call Mr. Ball Cap. He and I have only recently started chatting and eventually it progressed to the point where we exchanged phone numbers and started texting. Prior to when we finally met, he asked me several times to meet up after I got off work for a drink. The problem is that I work evening shift and don’t get off work till midnight. Although the bars around here stay open till 2:00 a.m., that’s pretty late and even less ideal when I have to work out in the morning before work the next day. Plus, I can’t help thinking that a guy who really wants to meet up so late at night probably only wants one thing from me. Yeah.
Anyway, so I kept turning him down on meeting after work and finally succeeded in setting a date for an actual date. We met at a bar/grill that I really like for drinks. And even though I really, really like the hot wings they have at this particular place, hot wings are one of the foods I consider anti-first date food.
Get ready for a side note!
I believe there are certain foods that shouldn’t be eaten on a first date. These include foods such as hot wings, ribs, sushi, corn on the cob, crab legs, and soup. The reasons for these foods being off limits for first dates should be obvious, but I’ll elaborate anyway. Most of the foods listed above are incredibly messy and no one looks cool or sexy with BBQ sauce all over their face or a huge sushi roll stuffed in their mouth to the point that they almost can’t chew it or breathe. I have been known to squirt juice from a bite of corn on the cob into someone’s face and also to accidentally fling a crab leg across a restaurant because my hands were so slimy with melted butter. None of these instances happened on a first date, but I learned a lesson. What would you think of a first date who loudly slurps his soup? Or who asks you if he can have your “finished” hot wings because it looks like there might be a little meat left between some of the bones? Gross.
That brings me back to the main point of this blog entry about first impressions. In online dating you get two first impressions. The first one is what I call the online impression that comes from the person’s online profile. You get an impression from the headline, the photos (if they have any), and the self description. You also get an online impression from any messages you receive. This is sort of like reading a book and forming an image of the characters in your head. You imagine what they sound like, how they might laugh, how they might move. Like a movie in your head of this online guy.
Sometimes these online impressions are not so positive right out of the gate. The guys who sound bitter or whiny in their self descriptions do not give good impressions. They basically come across as desperate and needy. Maybe that appeals to some ladies out there, but not this gal. I like a guy who is confident and motivated and not clingy.
Then there are the guys who use the cheesy one liners or pick up lines when they send a message. Or they just say “hello” and nothing else. My first online impression of these guys is that if they can’t ask a question or put a couple sentences together to start a conversation then I am not interested. Maybe some might think that’s not giving them a chance, but I don’t think so. To me it’s a sign of intelligence if a guy can come up with an interesting question or has actual conversation skills.
The second type of first impression is the face to face impression. This is where things can get tricky. This is where your online impression of the guy can either come together nicely with the actual guy or it sadly falls apart as soon as he opens his mouth. When the two impressions collide, it’s either a great boost or a crushing disappointment. It’s the equivalent of reading the Harry Potter books and then seeing the movies and thinking, man, the movie version in my head was so much better.
So what was my impression of Mr. Ball Cap? I know the anticipation is probably killing you, right? Well, my online impression was fairly positive. He seemed nice, polite, funny, but not too talkative, which isn’t a bad thing. He seemed to share some of the same interests with me as well. He seemed a little eager to meet me asap and, like I mentioned earlier, I was a little concerned that all he really wanted was to get in my pants.
So when we finally met face to face I was a teensy bit apprehensive. But he was relaxed and chill and we got along well. We sat in a booth and eventually he took the initiative to move to my side of the booth to sit next to me. With Mr. Ball Cap I definitely felt a little spark and an attraction and we flirted with each other as we talked. It’s what you do when you talk to someone you’re attracted to.
However, when you’re not attracted to someone with whom you’re on a date then it gets awkward. It doesn’t always have to be uncomfortable. No, I take that back. It can be very uncomfortable. But you should try really hard not to show it on the outside. Unless you’re really trying to get across to the guy that you’re not interested. Some people are better at that than others. I find that I can be a little too concerned sometimes with hurting the guy’s feelings and so I try to act like I’m having a good time when really I’m thinking, yeah, I’m not going out with this guy again. Like the other day, I met a guy for coffee. A new guy I’d only been chatting with for about a week. I’ll call him Mr. Goatee. He was nice, intelligent, kind of funny, and polite online. In person I thought he was still all those same things and fairly good looking. But there was no spark. Not even a little flicker from a plastic Bic lighter that you have to flick a few times before it lights. Perhaps it was because I slept like crap the night before and did an intense work out that morning and so I was tired. I was really looking forward to getting coffee, but not so excited about the date. It wasn’t unpleasant, though, and Mr. Goatee had a quirky sense of humor and told some funny stories. But if you don’t feel it, why force it? So I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again.
I was looking forward to when I could get my face to face impression of Mr. Nice Eyes, but, alas, it appears that that isn’t meant to be. After much texting back and forth and me trying a few times to make plans to meet with him, I sort of gave up on him. So when he stopped texting me a couple days ago, I just let it go. It’s not like I’d actually met him and become super attached. It’s just the way these things happen, I guess. As the French say, c’est la vie.
This coming week is a busy one for me, both at work and in my personal life. I have a second date scheduled with Mr. Ball Cap for one of my days off and a lunch date scheduled on another day with a guy I’ve texted and talked with on the phone but haven’t met yet. So we’ll see what happens after this next week.
I’m still getting a new message here and there from new guys. And I’m still communicating with some of the original guys, but no plans yet to meet them. One of them is the Indian guy I mentioned in a previous blog. He seemed excited when I told him that I love Indian food after he asked if I’d ever tried it. It really is one of my favorite cuisines and so I find myself hoping that he can cook. But he is also the one who’s “looking for someone to marry,” so…yeah.
Onward and upward, right? Well, so far it’s been mostly forward movement and not so much upward movement, but forward is better than backward or immobile. Hey waiter, can you top me off here, please? My glass is only half full. 🙂

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One thought on “The twice baked first impressions of online dating

  1. “I believe there are certain foods that shouldn’t be eaten on a first date. These include foods such as hot wings, ribs, sushi, corn on the cob, crab legs, and soup. The reasons for these foods being off limits for first dates should be obvious, but I’ll elaborate anyway. Most of the foods listed above are incredibly messy and no one looks cool or sexy with BBQ sauce all over their face or a huge sushi roll stuffed in their mouth to the point that they almost can’t chew it or breathe. I have been known to squirt juice from a bite of corn on the cob into someone’s face and also to accidentally fling a crab leg across a restaurant because my hands were so slimy with melted butter. None of these instances happened on a first date, but I learned a lesson. What would you think of a first date who loudly slurps his soup? Or who asks you if he can have your “finished” hot wings because it looks like there might be a little meat left between some of the bones? Gross.”
    I feel that Michael Scott would find many sexy/that’s what she said moments with your choices for non-first date food! So if you’re looking for a Michael Scott, maybe you should slip a few of those rolls or cobs in there haha!

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